


why must i cry things that people use to make wishes?

by strkville



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Cheating, I Made Myself Cry, Lowercase, M/M, One-Sided Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, starry tear disease
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-05
Updated: 2020-11-05
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:41:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27401380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/strkville/pseuds/strkville
Summary: "bokuto-san, if you even love me then why am i crying stars?"
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou
Kudos: 34
Collections: Haikyuu Angst Week 2020





	why must i cry things that people use to make wishes?

**Author's Note:**

> day 5 of hq angst week: star disease + "did you ever love me?"

_"bokuto-san, if you even love me then why am i crying stars?"_

starry tear disease, a disease caused by unrequited love. it causes it's host to cry stars instead of liquid tears. and i, akaashi keiji, is a victim of it even after being in a relationship with bokuto koutarou.

it hurt like hell when the first tear fell. i remember how i heard twinkling sound while i was showering. it didn't occur to me i was crying till i ran to the mirror. and then there it was, stars instead of tears. i rubbed my dried hands against my eyes harshly, causing a reddish mark to appear. why was it that i cried starry tears? wasn't my love reciprocated? 

after that day, more tears fell more heavily and more frequently. i noticed how my eyes look duller, more solemn. i often had to hide my red eyes behind a pair of sunglasses or just refuse to step out of my apartment at all. koutarou of course show concern just like the good boyfriend he is but i dont think i can see him the same as before anymore. i still went to work, i still went on my usual grocery run, i still went to my mother's place for some onigiris. 

i guess she must have saw how red my eyes looked and how sparkly my eye-bags looked. it was after a long night of crying stars while huddled inside a cocoon of blankets on my bed. the twinkling sound was especially loud that night, almost making my ears ring. my mother, what a nice lady she is, had brewed some chamomile tea in my favourite mug. that day, my mother gave me some sounding advice, even if i didn't say anything. she was just there, like how she was when i was a kid. "talk to him." i remember her saying. 

and i did. the rain was raining quite heavily that night and the wind was especially strong. it funny how the sky can still cry liquid tears while i can't. why must i cry things that people use to make wishes? i must've stumbled to his apartment after a relatively hard day at work. seems like my soul is still drawn to him even when my heart is currently breaking down. i heard faint twinkling sound, i must've been crying my way here. wonder who saw me, hopefully no one from work or school. if they did, i could either lose my job or get made fun of. i wasn't exactly popular, i was always the kid who was too engrossed in mangas. 

_"bokuto-san, am i crying?"_ was the first thing i ask when he had open his door. i stood there, soaking in rain water with my work shirt clinging to me. my hair was a damp mess and my shoes were filled with rain water.

" _akaashi, are those star tears?"_ he had asked, concern lacing his voice. i had expected him to laugh at me. the living room inside was probably playing a ridiculous superhero movie, koutarou's favourite. it must've been my imagination but im sure i heard a third party in there, laughing loudly. 

" _im sorry bokuto-san for disturbing you when you had guests."_ i wanted to walk away that moment, most of my suspicion were confirmed now. but a strong grip on my wrist held me back. the twinkling sound had grown louder, almost covering up the rain's petter patters.

" _akaashi, please listen-"_

_"kou honey! are you coming back yet?"_

and there was it. the twinkling sound grew louder that it was that night. the colours must've blurry from the tears, or was it because of the stars? I didn't know. koutarou's face held the most deer-caught-in-headlights look ever. his mouth was agape while his eyes were blown wide. 

_"akaash-"_

_"im sorry bokuto-san, for not being enough."_

i had left promptly after, returning to downpour outside the complex. my face must've been extra sparkly from all the star i cried that moment. i could even feel it. i slowly trek back towards my own apartment. a few passer-bys took one glance at me and moved out of the way, afraid to catch the negative aura i was radiating. or was it the starry tears? i didn't know. i don't know anything anymore. who was it in koutarou's living room? it sounded masculine. like someone from our high school days on another team. like the captain of a certain team who wore red. 

red. that the first colour i lost sight off. i could no longer see my favourite red fannel, or the mug i regularly use as a coffee mug because it's normally placed infront. 

then it was green. I didn't know the sight of leaves and the grass was so easily missed. even the bright green pen i have at the office was also missed.

then lastly it was blue. the colour of the sky, ocean and water. the thing i use to cry before i cried stars. i miss having to not double check whatever is in my cup. i miss not wondering if the clouds in the sky was stormy or not after all, my whole world is black and white now. 

so, bokuto koutarou, did you even love me? if you did, then i wouldn't be crying stars instead of water. damn fate for making me fall for you. damn it damn it damn it.

why was it so hard to forget about you? to forget about how nice it felt to be in your embrace? how warm it felt? i felt safe. i felt content. i hate fate for making me cry stars. i hate it for making me lose the sight of colours. i hate you for not reciprocating my love. 

damn it, the sound was deafening. it filled up the entirety of my bedroom. the mattress underneath was stained with stars and sparkles. it was slowly losing its glow and shine. it became dull before fizzling out. 

great, now i can't see anything.


End file.
